ben will be back in two weeks
3:31 AM |
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my father taught me that if its something worth doing, its worth doing right.
well my father taught me that the best things in life are worth waiting for.
8:15 AM |
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thoughts well up, thoughts that were previously hidden in the smallest, darkest recesses of my mind, thoughts that i never wanted to revisit. memories of moments that used to make me smile, times in my life where i was truly, genuinely happy. i seriously hate this pain that is entering my eardrums, but like corporal mortification, sometimes you just don't have a choice. maybe this is all part of the healing process, no?
i hate when im interrupted in the middle of a rant. cause now i lost my flow of thought, my flow of emoness. but sometimes there are things that just need to be discussed. like life, love and this thing called friendship. but in the end, it all goes to shit.
ok anyways, since i cant think about my old lame memories, i guess this session of catharsis is over.
2:30 AM |
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... I FINALLY GOT TO DRIVE A STICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 it was really crappy but yeah its pretty fun....
...
im hungry
november 8th, 2004
2:41 AM |
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So my original purpose of this blog was to take life-defining photographs and to subsequently write thought-provoking posts on them... but somewhere between my fifty-eighth photo of the boston skyline and my sixteenth de-following because my blog is "too intellectual", i decided to just say screw it. the new objective of this blog is to capture life in all its sordid, beautiful detail - not just MY life, but LIFE. because all of us human beings, whether we like it or not, are fated to be connected with one another in some way, shape or form. hence, the genus/species homo sapien. but before my post is in danger of becoming "too intellectual" (in other words, boring and superfluous), let me get to my point.
or rather, my story?
a boy and a mother in the grocery store. (i dont know what else to call Target, every other description seems too... non-encompassing. and these days, you can buy everything at the grocery store. so grocery store it is.) boy is lost. cries for mother, mother sees boy. boy cannot see mother. brother turns boy, boy sees mother. boy runs to mother crying, mother picks up boy. boy is happy. mother is happy. ben is happy because he gets a nice picture.
venice beach on a saturday. everything is 50% off TODAY ONLY! ... i get the feeling that "today only" really means "buy my overpriced bracelet/wallet/handbag/sunglasses/bong, you ignorant tourist, because i would like for nothing more than to separate you and some of your money". or is July 11th a significant day in the lives of the Venice Beach Boardwalkians? well... according to wikipedia, no, it is not. but Tijuana was founded today! or rather, yesterday... what else. A Tale of Two Cities is published for the first time. Babe Ruth made his MLB debut. The phrase "In God We Trust" was added to all U.S. currency. To Kill A Mockingbird is first published. Wow, two good books on the same day, 101 years apart. Moving on..
In a nutshell, Venice was pretty awesome. Or rather, pretty and awesome. the epitome of California living.
Orochon ramen 27 minutes. my sentences are getting more and more terse as my eyes become less and less open.
Oh yeah. Im officially the 10th grade boys bible study teacher/small group leader... pray for me. thank you.
good night.
-ben
p.s. pics/vids up soon, cause my phone is currently charging. for how long, only no one knows.
i am simply rambling now, stop reading.
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. sorry, i couldnt resist.
OH YEAH. i need to get a bus license? cause i am one of 3 college guys in the high school ministry? so all college guys who may read this, please help out in high school. cause if i end up driving those buses filled with preadolescent teens, imagine the newspaper headlines. "Fiery Crash Claims 60". "School Bus Breaks Sound Barrier". "5 Freeway Closed indefinitely for repairs, Cripples Local Economy". ok i need to stop.
GO TO MEXICO MISSIONS!
good night.
-ben
2:53 AM |
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told off by an illegal immigrant. God moves in wondrous ways.
so i reread this mornings post... and i have officially decided that i am freaking stupid. haha idk. my writing is sometimes so... disjointed! hopefully, this blog will fix that, but i seriously doubt it. i mean, come on! i dont even punctuate. a;sldfjas;dlkfj well, anyhow...
okokok yuri. i dont suck at writing. but i wish i could get better. :( but i dont know how... writer's plateau. maybe i should go read some more books... i haven't read a real novel in like, 6 years. ohman.
my life is a conflicting sea of decisions that i need to make, and there are so many currents trying to pull me to and fro. its easy to just go with the flow - the harder part is trying to figure out which currents will take me to shore, and which ones will wash me even farther away from where i need to be.
ok i cant focus enough to get this thing written so alas! i shall talk to you later.
-ben
2:10 AM |
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So after discerning the fact that tumblr is a popularity contest, i have decided, like the son who plays prodigal, to once again return home to my faithful blogger. and there's no privacy on tumblr! well see, that was good when i had nothing to hide-but these days, my words will end up biting me in my @$$. hmm... well i think this thing deserves a status update, for the 0+/=empty set of people that follow me, i think... hopefully that "special" girl that follows me around at church doesn't find this thing, but in the world of today, anything's possible, no? quite unsettling.
I am, by all accounts, a happy camper these days. A family that loves me the way they best know how, friends who share in my triumphs and tribulations, a job that i hate, but am apparently good at - a car that, although it may be stolen, gets me from point a to point b expeditiously... yessum, my life is everything that i asked for almost 5 months ago while pining away in the beautiful city of boston... yes, i used "beautiful" and "boston" in the same sentence. onomatopoeia. they flow together beautifully. and besides, its true.
anyhow, so as im reflecting on my contentedness, i've begun to wonder... i am a creature of habit, a creature of comfort. How easy would it be to stay in this comfortable shell for ages, blissfully unaware of the Big Man's bigger picture for my life?mayhaps its time for me to practice what i preached last week. what are my ideals? that being said, i feel called to ministry/evangelism for some reason... i need to start using my time, treasure, and talents to glorify God... easier said than done, no?
29"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."
-Luke 18:29-30
That being said, here's a excerpt from my journal... the human mind is capable of some disturbing feats given boredom and starbucks.
-ben
Slouching in my chair sipping my $2.90 lemonade, the silence in my head is broken as the melancholy strains of a long-lost love song wash over me, punctuated by the occasional passing car. And as quickly as the Doppler effect of each car passing hits my ears, I am struck by my memories of a time when i was not alone.
I sip.
A tangy, almost too-sweet mixture of good memories and regrets. Watching the power lines that are barely discernible against the balmy night sky, I wonder whether there might not be better pursuits for my time. I come up empty-handed, and proceed with my aimless, empty-minded musings. A recollection of regrets.
Sip.
Not quite as bad the second time around. The lid isn't on quite tightly enough, and a sip of my $2.90 lemonade condenses onto the rickety wooden table onto which i carve my thoughts.
shoot i gotta get ready for work... tbc?
11:06 AM |
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